Legislative Decree no. 25000001 of 7 March 2008 - a New Italian law

March 7, 2008 · Filed Under Funny · 7 Comments

Section 1. Henceforth spoken and written use of reference to and inference to the word ‘old’ and the use of all synonyms of such word related concepts appearing in the Italian language and equivalent words which exist in any and all dialects employed by Italians are hereby declared illegal.

Section 2. Pursuant to the requirements of Section 1 herein of this Legislative Decree Rome shall be known forthwith as Italy’s new capital and Pompei shall be granted the status of ‘New Town’.

Section 3. In accordance with Section 1 hereto any and all words appearing in any and all Italian dictionaries and/or dictionaries concerning Italian dialects which make reference to the word ‘old’ synonyms of aforesaid word and dialectical equivalents of such word are to be removed.

Section 4. Use of word ‘old’ and the use of all synonyms of such word that appear in the Italian language and equivalent words which exist in any and all dialects employed by Italians shall be punishable by appearances on the newest version of ‘Big Brother’. Appearance is obligatory and mandatory. Any and all of those who refuse to appear on ‘Big Brother’ will be sentenced to prepare new election posters for all of Italy’s new politicians.

Section 5. With reference to Section 3 hereto above as aforementioned any and all of those found in possession of dictionaries and/or other reference sources electronic gas-powered or otherwise containing reference to the word ‘old’ synonyms of aforesaid word related concepts and dialectical equivalents of such word shall be burnt at the stake until nicely roasted and served with chips fries or there common equivalents.

Recently edited to remove any and all commas.

Recently edited to keep you reading.

Tags: chips, dialect, fun, Funny, illegal, Italia, Italian, Italians, Italy, Language, law, old, politicians, Politics, Rome, spoof

The ways of the sausage

October 22, 2007 · Filed Under Italian Food, Life in Italy · 3 Comments

Well, I’ve got sausages on my mind at the moment owing to all my sausagey exploits. And I’ve been thinking how the good old British banger could be successfully mated to Italian cuisine. Italians have quite varied tastes in food, but on the whole tend to prefer subtly flavoured dishes, so I’m not sure how they might react to the taste explosion that an English sausage may cause. However, Italians are not adverse to strong flavours, indeed there is good old Gorgonzola and then there are the Barolo laced wild boar and venison game dishes that go down well. Down south chilli is very common and the southerners quite like something that is a bit on the spicy side. However, overly spicy food is not popular in Milan though, if you go for and Indian meal here, the spiciness will not blow your socks off. At least not in my experience, and this is despite having told Indian chefs to spice things up to the maximum.

Anyway, assuming that English sausages manage to get the Italian thumbs up and they are not overcome by the spices, what can they eat them with? Perhaps it would be better to ask how the mythical British banger can be cooked. They can, of course, be fried and thus raise cholesterol levels to frightening levels, but this would not be appreciated by Italians, who would consider the results as being too ‘heavy’, not to mention being worried about the cholesterol. Possibly the best way to cook them would be either under the grill or on the griddle. Cooking things on the griddle is common here, and is really a sort of indoor version of the ‘grigliata’ or barbecue.

The other way in which sausages are prepared is to oven cook them with chunks of potato. My other half does this and it makes for a nice hearty dish. Aside from potatoes, Italians tend to eat sausages with polenta and this I think would make just about the perfect accompaniment to English bangers, although the subject sausages are generally broken into little pieces and cooked in a tomato sauce. I suppose the same could be done with English bangers, but it would be better to put the polenta on a plate and then place the sausages next to it, maybe adding a few cooked tomatoes. This would make for an an interesting winter dish which would also go down rather well with visiting Brits and one or two other nationalities. I shall be trying this combination out myself, and I’m looking forward to it.

In the UK, sausages and mashed potato are quite common, and the same thing could be eaten here, only the mash would be replaced by the almost sauce like purè. Still, it would make for a good dish and English people would be quite happy if the plate was filled with a few spoonfuls of good old baked beans too - which, incidentally, I know where to get. Well, this place had Heinz baked beans the last time I was there.

And finally, other things like sausages and chips, sausage sandwiches, and even sausage pizza toppings would probably go down quite well. And finally, cold sausages could be impaled onto cocktail sticks and served up at dinner parties and the like in order to create that sophisticated Anglo-Saxon touch.

I’m sure others could come up with more combinations and even a few recipes that would benefit from sausages and at the same time create a fusion between English and Italian food. Time will tell, and I plan on holding a sausage tasting as soon as the first British bangers come off the Italian production line.

Interesting times ahead. I shall go banging on about this succulent subject for some time to come, I’m afraid.

Tags: bangers, chips, eat, English, English sausages, good, interesting, Italia, Italian, Italian Food, Italian food, Italians, mashed potato, Milan, nice, order, People, pizza, polenta, product, pure, sausage sandwiches, tomato, tomatoes, try

Four Four Two

June 29, 2007 · Filed Under 4-4-2 Pub · 21 Comments

UPDATE: Free Beer! After having a chat with Alessandro, the landlord, today, he agreed to offer readers of this blog the first two pints of beer ordered for the price of one. Not bad, eh?

There is a catch. Isn’t there always? This catch, not a big one, is that this offer is only open to the first 30 people who turn up clutching a copy of this blog post. And, no, nobody’s paying me for this, I just thought it might be a fun thing to do. Help get a worthwhile place off the ground.

By heck, it’s hot in Milan at the moment. How about a nice cool beer?

What is Four Four Two? Well, it’s a new pub which has recently opened around these parts. It can be found at Via Procaccini, 61, and is on the corner of the appropriately named, for an English style pub, Via Londonio! You can find it on my Platial map. And I like this place. In fact, I’ve just got back from there after having downed two pints of Beamish. The simple fact that this place sells Beamish already puts it high up on my list of places to prop the bar up at. I know that this may sound odd, but Beamish and other English, Irish, Scottish style drinks are quite hard to come by in Milan. There are also John Smiths and Bulldog beers. And there is Strongbow cider - which is not at all easy to get hold of in Italy. The people that run the place are cool too.

This evening there was a group of Englishmen and various other non-Italians. There were also quite a few Italians, which was good.

This place is good because it is not your average sophisticated Italian evening joint, but a more down to earth place a like the English pubs I was used to. They even have a regular pub quiz. No darts though, as far as I could see! But, there is football and rugby on the TVs, which may appeal. Not to me, I’m not really a football or rugby fan, but we all have our little problems. They also do food, burgers, and, surprisingly for Italy, have a wide selection of cheeses from the UK, but no chips - planning regulations, I reckon.

Italian bars, the evening ones that is, which rarely have dart boards, are OK, but tend to be a little too flash for my tastes. This place is, as I have said, a little more like a normal English pub - so you don’t have to worry about dressing up in your finest Armani gear to get in. You can also pay as you drink. I know this may sound banal, but in many places here in Milan you order and then pay at end of the evening. This is OK, but after a few of the local Long Islands and Negrones, it can become difficult to remember just what you poured down your gullet. So, when it comes to settle-the-bill time, endless confusion is the inevitable result if you are from Ireland, England, Wales or Scotland. This system is not generally a problem for Italians because they are highly adept at making a single drink last just about all night. So, in the Four Four Two, you can have a hassle free pint or three and not have to worry about getting your head around the mathematics of sorting out the bill at the end of the evening. On the right you can see the crew, from left to right Maurizio, Verdiana, and the Landlord, Alessandro. Nice bunch of people and they all speak English, so ordering a pint will be no problem.

This is a pic of Maurizio is showing off a good old rugby ball. The sporting theme in this place is all over the walls and just about everywhere.

If you do make it there, you will probably meet the guy down below, Alessandro, who runs the place and is a big fan of footy, rugby and a lot of things English. In fact, he has been to the UK over 40 times and has worked there too. The pub is named after his favourite football move - 4 4 2 and there is a UK football magazine which goes by the same name, incidentally. Football types will know just what the 4 4 2 move is, I’m sure. Personally, I have no idea.

So, remember the name - Four Four Two, it’s worth checking out IMHO, especially if you are yearning for a nice piece of cheddar and you might even find me hanging around at the bar.Just look for a non-Italian looking face and more stomach than is good for a person.

Tags: 4, 4-4-2, 4-4-2 Pub, 442, 442 Milan, 442 Milano, 442 pub, beer, blog, cheeses, chips, cool, drink, English, English style, Italia, Italian, Italians, Italy, Milan, nice, People, pub, quiz, rugby, Scottish

The bar

April 27, 2005 · Filed Under Life in Italy · Comment

Italian bars come in many shapes and sizes, but they can be divided into two quite distinct categories - those that open in the morning and close at about the same time as the shops do - that is around 7.30 and the bars which are more akin to the English pub - except that they open in the early evening and finally close at around 2 in the morning. There are some places which open at eight in the morning and keep on going until 2 in the morning, but they are not that common.

Shortly, I’ll take you on a tour of what the day time bars offer, but first let me say something about the atmosphere of these places. Some are well decorated, have attractive out door eating areas and closely resemble restaurants, while others can be basic to the point of being Spartan - very much the working man’s bar. Don’t let this put you off though, because the quality and quantity of the food they serve can be quite simply amazing - although you’d be well advised to brush up on your Italian before trying one out. And don’t be too surprised if the man or men on the next table look(s) as if he/they belongs to a big, er, ‘family’, because he probably does. Only joking.

The day time bars start their days off by selling the famous Italian coffee, well, I should have said ‘coffees’ as you can order quite a number of versions of Italian coffee. OK, here goes, you can order a cafè, a cafe lungo, a cafè ristretto, a cafe doppio ristretto, a cappuccino, a macchiato, a cafè latte, a marrochino, a Café Americano , a cafe corretto (which is a normal espresso ‘fortified’ with the spirit of your choice - usually grappa) and versions of all those mentioned but with decaffeinated coffee. However, if you are not a coffee drinker, you can order tea - which is normally served with lemon, but you can get it with milk to add if that is your fancy. During the cold season, you can also order the wonderful Italian hot chocolate, which is think and creamy and close to being a chocolate custard. You can double the yumminess factor (and the calories) by ordering this with ‘panna montata’, which means it will come topped with that spray can whipped cream stuff. You could, but you would get some funny looks, order a hot choc in the midst of summer, but why you would want to do so is beyond me.

Now, in the morning it is not uncommon to have a briosche with your chosen type of coffee. Briosches, which resemble visually the French croissant, can be plain, salted, have chocolate cream in them, or vanilla cream, or apricot jam or even apples. If you are an early bird, you may even be lucky enough to get your briosche nice and warm, but although a few places do make their own, most are distributed early in the morning or heated up on the premises. In addition to all this wonderful choice, you can even decide how hot you want your cappuccino to be and whether or not you fancy cocoa powder sprinkled on the top. In fact they will almost always ask you about the cocoa powder, because it seems that not everyone likes it. Oh, and I almost forgot, if you don’t fancy a brioche, you can often get a rather dry biscuit, if that is what you like. Right, that’s breakfast time sorted out. Most day time bars get lots of customers just before work and the next sizeable stream turns up loaded with luncheon vouchers.

If you wander into the bar that you breakfasted in at around lunchtime, you will notice that the formerly empty glass display cabinets are now jam packed with an enormous array of sandwiches with various fillings. Italian sandwiches or ‘pannini’ as they are referred to, can be round, longish, flat or triangular. I could go on all day about the variety of fillings which exist, but I really don’t have enough time. Suffice it to say that most people will find something appetising, and if you don’t and you know enough of the lingo you can order a custom sandwich with the fillings of your choice. Then you just have to decide whether you want the thing heated up or not, which I recommend if you have anything with cheese in it, because the melted cheese makes the end product even more yummy. Don’t want a sandwich? No problem. You can often find an interesting range of other dishes, from pasta to chicken to salads to hot dogs. Then you can order a few vegetables to go with your choice, but what ever you order will be warmed up in a microwave more often than not, and often the vegetable dishes are lukewarm which I find a little off-putting.

Puddings usually take the form of fresh fruit salads called ‘macedonia’ or fruit; apples, oranges, bananas, kiwis or lumps of pineapple. Then of course you can order something to wash everything down. For most Italians this means a bottle of still or sparking water, but some go for wine and others will have a small beer or a coke and, of course, to round things off most have a coffee - but at this hour only a café normale - espresso or lungo are taken.

Now, if you are feeling adventurous you could order a ‘digestivo’, although I can’t remember whether you drink one of these odd concoptions before or after your coffee. The digestivos are strange, often herb based alcoholic beverages. I have tried these drinks on the odd occasion, but found them so unusual that I’ve never become an aficionado. If you fancy one, order a ‘Fernet Branco’ and see what you think. Most of them seem to taste similar and have an odd burning effect on your stomach or so I have found. I suppose this is why they are ‘digestivi’ or digestive drinks, because the literally burn up the contents of your well filled tummy. Italians are big into their digestive systems and will moan if they think that they have been unable to digest something and it might even bring on a temperature.

Am I loosing you yet? Well, remember this is only the day time bars and I have not finished with them yet. The final and best time of the day is about to come. Yes, if you have not guessed, it is the aperatif. The drink before you toddle of home for an evening meal. At this point I have to say that the aperativi hours in Milan are possibly the best in all Italy. Why is this? Well, in Milan it is normal around the early evening to fill the counters with very tasty tidbits, often pieces of sandwiches chopped into bit sized chunks, but also potato crisps (chips if you are from the States), peanuts and other salted goodies, plus pickled cucumbers and onions, olives and slices of carrots which can be dipped in mayonnaise or another similar sauce. This is not enough for you? OK, in that case head for some of the trendier bars around Milan - like Bar Victoria in the centre or Bar Etnico near to me or Bar Elefant near Porta Venezia, to name but three and you will find the counters loaded up with an incredible selection of foods. But just to keep you going they often add huge plates of pasta, pieces of pizza, couscous, rice salads and many other tempting treats to wash down with a beer or cocktail or two. The best thing about these buffets? They are free. You could easily order a glass of water and then spend the time up to around nine shuttling to an fro from the bar filling your plate with all manner of stuff. You can, and I have, eat so much that you just don’t need to think about having supper. Of course, if you still feel a wee bit peckish, head off for a pizza, if you still have room that is. Honestly, at times the food on offer is mind boggling - but only really in Milan and you do need to know where to head for.

That’s it with regard to the so-called day time bars. I’ve written so much that I’m going to save the low down on the evening/night time bars for another entry. Hope you don’t mind too much.

Tags: breakfast, Cheese, chips, drink, grappa, interest, interesting, Italia, Italian, Italian Food, Italian Wine, Italians, Italy, lunch, Milan, nice, People, pizza, pub, restaurants